Two Worlds II Castle Defense Review (Letande)
“Pizza is good medicine for disappointment.”
~Katherine Howe
You want some quick money – make a castle defense game. Not so long ago, when castle defense games were very popular, it was, like, a golden rule. And naturally, Topware Interactive didn't want to miss an opportunity here. I mean, it's Topware. The guys are always ready to use any cheap trick to make some easy money. Remember when they started selling basic concept arts and laughably basic puzzles as “deluxe” content for some of their popular old titles like Earth 21XX and Gorky 17? Yeah... that's Topware for you. As greedy as they can be. Naturally, they wanted their own castle defense game. They had that somewhat big action RPG series called Two World (which wasn't even that good, but still, it was big enough to get physical media release) and... you know how it is. Here comes Two Worlds II: Castle Defense.
And the funniest thing is... there isn't much to say here. Just because it isn't much of a game. Two Worlds II: Castle Defense is just yet another money grab from Topware Interactive and Reality Pump (Polish developers who created Two Worlds series). Long story short, what we've got here is five tiny little maps (you can finish every map in this game in just a few minutes) and some sort of an arena. Again, with only five levels in it. That's it. That's the entire game. Five tiny maps, six types of units, two kinds of upgrades (life and power) and a few spells to use against the enemies. That would be $9.99.
And it's not like Reality Pump bothered much to provide us with smooth and polished experience either. Even though we only have six unit types, no buildings and we can only place units in pre-selected spots, the game still feels unbalanced. Which is, like, the worst thing that can happen with such game. For example, the situations when your guys won't be strong enough to defeat an enemy, but won't be able to die either because of the nearby healer, are pretty common here, while the game won't give you enough space for improvising. Which makes it feel more like a puzzle game than a proper tower defense strategy.
Also, the entire thing is just... I don't know, archaic. For example, you can share your score online here. Yes, manually. You press the button, you enter your e-mail address, you enter your nickname and you manually send your score. Like... what the heck? I don't even remember the last time I've seen something like that. I think, it was somewhere in early 2000s, in the game called Space Rangers. And yet, here we are, in 2011. Ignoring Steam community features entirely and sharing our scores manually. Good grief...
Also, believe it or not, this game comes with Reality Pump's infamous DRM. You know, the one called Reality Pump. Because the guys have the imagination of Donald Trump. They just needed to build a bloody wall and name it after themselves. Because reasons. Long story short, Reality Pump DRM was supposed to give you a limited amount of “activations”. You play the game on different computer? That's one activation. And to make things worse? The bloody thing is buggy as f. Seriously, sometimes, the game just asked me to activate it again after a simple reboot. And even though at this point, Topware just gave up and gave us the infinite activations, the DRM is still there and it still wants the game to be “activated” again and again (fun fact – you can actually activate it by phone, because it looks like we're back to the Stone Age).
Another funny thing about this game is that... it comes with a weird anti-cheat system. Which, at times, will trigger without reason. It's not like it'll be a big problem and it won't prevent you from playing the game in any way (it's all about preventing people from messing with their score), but it's funny that they actually bothered to add anti-cheat system to a game, which was intended to be a money grab. I mean, seriously. If you're considering playing this game to compete against the others online? Congratulations, there's something seriously wrong with you and you should visit a doctor. Playing solitaire on your phone is way more competitive than what we've got in Two Worlds II: Castle Defense. It's literally a game, in which you place some units on pre-selected spots, let them kill some enemies, collect the reward and then spend that reward on upgrades. Repeat four more times and then press “uninstall” button. The end. As long as you won't fail much, the entire thing can be finished in less than thirty minutes. And yet, here we are. With DRM and anti-cheat system. Both buggy as heck. Good grief...
I can't say that this game is completely unplayable, or something, though. Quite the opposite, I didn't feel that bad while playing it. It's not like this game is a complete scam and personally, I've totally played worse. Way worse. It's just... it's so short, limited and overall pointless (the entire “story” here is just a couple of lines between the missions) that it feels like a waste of time. Even as a free product, Two Worlds II: Castle Defense still won't worth your time. There are countless tower defense games on market, most of them are pretty cheap, while the others are even completely free. And most of those games are better and more complicated than what we've got here. So, paying $9.99 for this product? It's one of the most stupid things you can do. When choosing between this game and a large pizza? Pizza is the right answer. Dixi.