The Sims 4 Review (Equate Nighttime Sleep Aid)
I adore The Sims 4. Truly. It’s like God gave me a dollhouse and said, “Go wild, but also, here’s a payment plan.” The customization, the chaos, the unhinged storytelling—it’s divine. BUT. Despite my deep love for this game, I can’t in good conscience recommend it. Let me explain.
1. The DLC Situation is Criminal.
This isn’t a video game. It’s a financial commitment. If you want the full Sims experience—pets, seasons, laundry, the ability to walk across town without bursting into flames—it’ll cost you roughly the GDP of a small country. I’ve spent nearly $1,000. That’s not an exaggeration. That’s a cry for help. I could’ve learned a trade. I could’ve bought a used car. Instead, I bought “My First Pet Stuff.”
2. Wicked Whims: A Masterpiece… and a Curse.
Once I installed Wicked Whims (peak mod, no notes), the game took a sharp left turn into adult territory. I didn’t just play God—I became the Greek God of WooHoo. I woohooed everyone. Townies, bartenders, the Grim Reaper. If they had a heartbeat and a name, they were on the list. Eventually, I hit a wall. Literally. The only Sims left were my own descendants. The game had turned into a genealogy-based chastity belt. I couldn’t woohoo anymore without violating laws—in real life. This was not how the legacy challenge was meant to end.
3. The WooHoo Art Gallery Dilemma.
In a fit of artistic brilliance, I began photographing every post-woohoo partner and hanging the portraits in an ever-expanding gallery of carnal conquests. It was elegant. It was erotic. It was… logistically impossible. I ran out of wall space. I ran out of lots big enough to contain my lust-fueled Louvre. No matter how many walls I built, they were never enough. At some point, I had to ask myself: Is this still a game, or is it just an elaborate spreadsheet of simulated intimacy and interior design?
Conclusion:
If EA ever releases a bundle that doesn’t require a credit check, creates an infinite supply of fresh woohoo-ables, and lets me purchase Texas-sized lots for my passion project, I will GLADLY update this review to “Recommended.”
Until then, The Sims 4 remains a gorgeous, absurd, life-consuming mess of a game—and I love it so much it hurts.
TL;DR:
DLC = too much
Mod = too powerful
Relatives = too many
Walls = not enough
Ya boi = still trying to woohoo