izigame.me

I bought Hearts of Iron IV because I saw tens of thousands of people playing it on Steam and thought, “Hey, if that many people are into it, it’s gotta be good, right? Probably just Risk with better graphics.” Wrong. So very wrong. This game isn’t Risk. This is a full-blown world domination simulator built entirely out of spreadsheets, buttons, and pain. It’s like someone weaponized Excel and gave it historical trauma.
I started a game as Japan, thinking “Cool, I’ll conquer the Pacific like in the movies.” I didn’t even make it past 1938 before I’d completely derailed history. I invaded China with full confidence... and zero supply. My tanks ran out of fuel, my troops starved in the mountains, and I accidentally built more horses than actual weapons. My navy? Still stuck in port because I forgot to give them orders. Classic rookie admiral move.
Things only got worse when I tried to join multiplayer. The chat hit me with:
“J A P rush 40w marines, meta is CAS-heavy micro, USA does AA spam, GER go 7-2s.”
I felt like I was reading secret military code. People were throwing out terms like "air meta" and "naval micro" like we were planning a real war. Someone told me to “rush AA with 40w support recon CAS” and I honestly considered uninstalling. I asked what “7-2” meant and someone called me “Malta-tier.” I don’t know what that means, but I took it personally. And look, I tried to get better. I even launched a naval invasion on the UK forgot convoys. My entire army just stood at the edge of France, staring across the channel like sad kids waiting for a school bus that doesn’t exist. Meanwhile, the British invaded me with paratroopers. I didn’t even know paratroopers were in the game. My capital fell before my invasion plan even got off the ground.
But then I discovered a mod. Old World Blues. And suddenly, it all clicked. Now I’m not just failing at World War II I’m thriving in the Fallout universe. I’m leading an army of radioactive ghouls through post-apocalyptic Utah. I’ve got super mutants with rocket launchers. I invaded a toaster cult and took over a robot factory. I still don’t really know how combat width works, but at least now I can wear power armor while not knowing. It’s way more intuitive, way more fun, and somehow I understand it. Probably because the game isn’t pretending to be historically accurate it’s just chaos, lasers, and lore. I’m still losing wars, but now it’s to talking bears and brain-in-a-jar dictators instead of Belgium. Huge improvement.