Goat Simulator: Remastered Review (Scott)
When they said this was a low-effort cash-grab I thought they were joking because that's what they do but no this is just bad
The graphics have been "overhauled" to be an oversaturated strain on the eyes. The original game had this sort of low-quality stank to it that I loved, and still love to this day. For some reason with this remaster they decided to make everything bright, plasticky primary and light colors. It's actually really hard to look at this game for too long. And I guess that oversaturation costs the GPU big-time because getting this game to run on Steam Deck at 60 frames requires setting all graphic settings to lowest and turning FSR to balanced. Even then it gets really rocky. It runs significantly worse than even Goat Sim 3 - a game that runs on the same engine, has far more systems and dare I say has much better graphics than this one.
As far as I can tell the game's exactly the same, just with a new main menu reminiscent of the Switch version, the mobile buck to school DLC added and the INCREDIBLE ability to...switch mutators mid-game. All of which could've just been added to the original - and frankly should've been.
Pilgor also just seems to control sluggishly. Her run feels slower than it was before, and it's easier to tilt the joystick in a way where she walks instead of runs. It also feels like she takes a long time to get up from a ragdoll, though this may also just be me being used to Goat Sim 3. Even then, why not include some improvements, like faster ragdoll recovery, that were added to Goat Sim 3? I mean, it's a remaster. Would any one really complain that you recover from a ragdoll quicker? I certainly don't think so.
More minorly, some cosmetic things have been changed, to the game's detriment in my opinion. All profanity has been removed for some reason, road signs have been changed from "Him Len" and "Helvete" to both just saying "Goat City Bay", and some random references have been added like making the Low-Gravity Testing Facility some sort of SpaceX parody for some reason. Like I said they're not big deals, but they only serve to make the game even worse than it already is and I don't know why they were changed.
Also no Linux port unlike the original, but knowing Unreal Engine maybe that's a blessing seeing that Unreal Engine Linux ports are always God-awful and as much as I hate relying on Proton for everything Unreal just gives us no other choice. Also please stop using Unreal Engine coffee stain, it makes your games impossible to run on a PC that isn't the price of a mortgage.
All and all it's really not a good remaster. While I'd look past these issues and appreciate the little additions normally, the bad performance, horrible visuals and price tag of THIRTY (30!!) DOLLARS makes this an absolute no-go for me. Play the original and deal with no Buck to School and mid-game mutators; you'll save plenty of money, and you'll actually be able to play the game.