izigame.me

Bart: Come on, Mom.
Lisa: Yeah, Mom. Hurry up.
Marge: All right. Mmm. How about "he"? Two points. Your turn, dear.
Homer: Hmm. How could anyone make a word out of these lousy letters? Oh, wait. Here's a good one. "Do."
Lisa: "Id." Triple word score.
Homer: Hey, no abbreviations.
Lisa: Not I.D., Dad. "Id". It's a word.
Bart: As in, "This game is stup-id".
Homer: Hey, shut up, boy.
Lisa: Yeah, Bart. You're supposed to be developing verbal abilities for your big aptitude test tomorrow.
Marge: We could look this "id" thing up in the dictionary.
Homer: We got one?
Marge: I think it's under the short leg of the couch.
Lisa: "Id: Along with the ego and the superego, one of three components of the psyche."
Homer: Get outta here.

Bart: My turn. "Kwyjibo". K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. 24 points, plus triple word score (making it 72), plus 50 points for using all my letters (making it 122). Game's over. I'm outta here.

Homer: Wait a minute, you little cheater. You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a "kwyjibo" is.

Bart: "Kwyjibo". Uh--A big, dumb, balding, North American ape, with no chin.
Marge: And a short temper.
Homer: I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape!

Bart: Uh-oh. Kwyjibo on the loose!

Principal Skinner: You there. No chewing gum on school grounds. In the trash can with it.

Martin: Principal Skinner, one of my fellow children is vandalizing school property.
Principal Skinner: Oh? Where?
Martin: Over there, sir. See?

Milhouse: Look out, Bart. Here comes Skinner.
Bart: Yikes!

Principal Skinner: Hmm. Whoever did this is in very deep trouble.
Martin: And a sloppy speller, too. The preferred spelling of "wiener" is W-I-E-N-E-R, although E-I is an acceptable ethnic variant.
Principal Skinner: Good point. Boys, let's see your hands.

Principal Skinner: Mm-hmm. Good. Okay. Simpson?
Martin: You might say you caught him red-handed.

Principal Skinner: Simpson, you and I are going to have a little talk.
Bart: Same time, same place?
Principal Skinner: Yes. In my office after school.
All: Ooh!

Martin: Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort of simpleminded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building.
Bart: Eat my shorts!
Martin: Pardon?

Mrs. Krabappel: Now, I don't want you to worry, class. These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success...if any.

Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, isn't Bart supposed to face the window, so he won't be tempted to look at his neighbor's paper?
Mrs. Krabappel: You're right, Martin. Bart?

Mrs. Krabappel: Remember to visualize the complex problems and relax. The test will start...now!

Bart: "At 7:30 a.m., an express train traveling 60 miles an hour leaves Santa Fe bound for Phoenix, 520 miles away."
Mrs. Krabappel: Shh! Visualize it, Bart.

Bart: (voice) "At the same time, a local train traveling 30 miles an hour and carrying 40 passengers leaves Phoenix bound for Santa Fe. It's eight cars long and always carries the same number of passengers in each car. An hour later, a number of passengers equal to half the number of minutes past the hour get off, but three times as many plus six get on. At the second stop, half the passengers plus two get off, but twice as many get on as got on at the first stop." Oof!
Train Conductor: (in daydream) Ticket, please.
Bart: (in daydream) I don't have a ticket.
Train Conductor: (in daydream) Come with me, boy. We've got a stowaway, sir.
Bart: (in daydream) I'll pay. How much?
Martin: (in daydream) Twice the fare from Tucson to Flagstaff minus two-thirds of the fare from Albuquerque to El Paso.
Bart: (in daydream) Whoa!

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, there are students in this class with a chance to do well. Will you stop bothering them?

Martin: He's not bothering me, Mrs. Krabappel. I'm finished. May I go outside and read under a tree?
Mrs. Krabappel: Certainly, Martin.

Mrs. Krabappel: What are you looking at, Bart? Are those naughty dogs back again?

Mrs. Krabappel: You have 20 minutes, class.

Marge: He's a good boy now, and he's getting better, and sometimes even the best sheep stray from the flock and need to be hugged extra hard.
Homer: That's exactly the kind of crapola that's lousing him up. Hey, look at this. "I am a wiener." (laughs) He sure is.

Intercom: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson are here.
Principal Skinner: Send them in.

Marge: Hello again, Principal Skinner.
Homer: What have you done this time, boy?
Principal Skinner: I caught your son defacing school property this morning. We estimate the damage at $75, and frankly, we think it's terribly unfair that other taxpayers should foot the bill.
Homer: Yeah, it's a crummy system, but what are you gonna do? Oh, no. He can't mean that. My wife thinks you want me to pay for it.
Principal Skinner: That was the idea.
Homer: Oh.

Principal Skinner: By itself, something like this might not call for an extreme penalty... but this is not an isolated incident. Bart's behavior is unruly. He's frequently absent from school, then gives teachers pathetic excuse notes... that are obviously childish forgeries when compared to--Well, at any rate, it is my reluctant decision--

Secretary: (over intercom) Mr. Skinner, Dr. Pryor is here to see you. He says it's urgent.
Principal Skinner: Send him in.

Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, this is our district psychiatrist, Dr. J. Loren Pryor.
Homer: What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Dr. Pryor: Oh, Oh, on the contrary. I have some very exciting news for all of us.
[Dr. Pryor shows everyone the aptitude test fr