izigame.me

I hardly write serious reviews for games, or rather games that I've played, and yet reading all these serious reviews of others telling of their own experiences, i figured that i might as well write an actual review, rather than a joke review, as i was planning.
Playing this game, and reading these reviews gave me some sort of closure,i cannot explain exactly how it felt, or why i felt it, but i guess i would put it like having a loud foghorn blaring in your ears, but one day, it suddenly just stops blaring, and now the loud obnoxious noise is replaced by a nice silence, with occasional wind blowing sounds.
Despite the undoubtedly bleak plot, i got a somewhat happy ending, and seeing that ending,
i know the main character is fictional, but i relate to her so much, and a lot of what she says and goes through, resonates with me
i know this story is fictional, but seeing someone overcome such a big issue, even if it is just small baby steps, to getting better, as the main character-the girl doesn't just magically get better at the end,
it doesn't work like that, and i'm glad they didn't write it like that, because then i couldn't have been inspired by this story.
Anyways, seeing the main character-the girl going through these challenges, yet still going, to push to an ending.
one where things will get better, when all the bitter garbage in your head stops.
And all those stupid memories and thoughts stop bothering you, because it is stupid.
It should have been left behind a year ago, but it keeps bothering me,
I thought that was my life now, that i just will have to accept things never going back to the way they were,
So just like that, i gave up, i still went to school, i brushed my teeth, i ate, i talked with friends and family, but it was always gnawing away at me, no amount of trying to retain the semblance of my life before the incident would ever bring me back in time before it even happened, and i accepted this, that i was doomed to pretend, and eventually, i just gave up on pretending, my family appeared concerned, they were the only ones who saw me in this state, i barely ate, i spent all day lying in bed, watching people play video games. csgo, tf2, civ6, hoi4. I didn't have to leave the house anyways, school holidays just began, so as you can imagine, all these days sort of started just merging together, into one big day, eventually
one time, i watched too much of these games, and i felt like i was a tf2 character-the scout, I saw the world around me, or rather, the house i spent that period of time in, as a tf2 map, and i knew that this wasn't healthy or good, but i couldn't stop, i was sleep-deprived and really lost this entire period, it was funny, well i thought it was pretty funny,
and it helped me escape the severity of my situation. or thinking about my situation.
well it ended one day, i talked with my brother about these issues for the first time, struggled to go to sleep, then when i woke up. I felt better, i guess talking did help me actually
It is a bit hard for me to describe the feeling of how i felt, but i will try.
imagine doing some of the most excruciating exercise possible, one that tests the limits of your physical capabilities and your mental strength, i guess i would describe it as waking up the next morning to the intense muscle fatigue.
Anyways i thought that was it, it would leave me and i could fine peace and rebuild these broken pieces of my life.
But after about two months all those stupid little cockroaches in your brain don't leave you alone.
So everyday, i struggled again with what i thought would be over, everyday, i would pretend.
Everyday the same cycle, i gave up on my aspirations and i told myself, i reminded myself that i am worthless, i am broken
everyday i would remind myself of this, and then one day, i truly believed, and embraced it, it felt like wrapping yourself in a radioactive blanket, it wasn't good for me, but the warmth comforted me, to wallow in my disappointment of what my life had become, to fall into a routine, an endless routine where i felt comfortable, but not happy, or peaceful.
And again, i lost all hope,
But today, playing this game and reading all these other people's stories feels like a second wind or something, like i can do things,
like i can beat back all those stupid thoughts and emerge victorious, i know it will not be easy, but i need to try so that i can heal or at least be able to live a life without constantly being reminded by myself of my own failures and the problems that must stay in the past.
I don't know if this feeling of hope will last, but i hope it will, because it just feels, nice, finally feels like that stupid little voice in your head just shuts its stupid mouth and leaves you alone you know? it no longer corrupts you and feeds you repulsive thoughts and disturbing images in your head, and it doesn't tell you that you are a broken piece of garbage. because i need to believe that i am not broken, so that i can keep going.
i am not entirely sure why i wrote this review, or if it will even help anyone, or if anyone will even read this, but if you are on the fence on buying this game, i highly recommend purchasing it,